Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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