I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the condom got lost in my hair
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
