so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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