Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
