Dude my mom stole all your condoms
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
