Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
