She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
