I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
