man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
