yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
