he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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