areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
