you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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