but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
