Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
