having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
