areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize