The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
