I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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