So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
third nipple confirmed
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
