I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
