hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
