Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
pop tarts are not kleenex
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
MIDGETS
????
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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