I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
