I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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