totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
