Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
