: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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