we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wish they made helmets for livers.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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