this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
