I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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