I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
