I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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