David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize