Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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