I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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