woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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