Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
