he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
