Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize