Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
