You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
