You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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