My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
