did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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