drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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