I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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