How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
