So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
why do cheetos always look like penises
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
