wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
