If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
