she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize