broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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