Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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