We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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