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• (830): View more from Texas

  You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin

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• (805): View more from California

  Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?

  (518): View more from New York

  No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."

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• (805): View more from California

  Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend

  Fav 4 511 877

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"

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• (801): View more from Utah

  Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.

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• (925): View more from California

  can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs

  Fav 0 32 11

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• (516): View more from New York

  I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.

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• (530): View more from California

  You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?

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