there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
