how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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