i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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