To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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