can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
