I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
