There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
