i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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