i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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