Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
