Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The beer is more important than you right now.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
