I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
