Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
