it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
