So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
