just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
