yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize