Why are handjobs necessary in class?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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