id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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