Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
